Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
