the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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