I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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