Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
