i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
