im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
