i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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