well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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