My liver just broke up with me...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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