I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize