And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
