i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
