we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
