I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
