Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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