There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
