so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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