Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
