dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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