the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
