How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
