thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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