The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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