I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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