grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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