He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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