You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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