Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
