I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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