in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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