I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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