I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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