mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
