Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
