just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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