I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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