How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just gargled with NyQuil
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