I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize