Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
