Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
