For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
