Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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