How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
