you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
