i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
