she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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