Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize