whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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