just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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