just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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