I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
