YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
