insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
