i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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