I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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