you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
