Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
