You made me cry and you don't even care
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
