I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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