who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize