we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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